Photo by Aiden Craver on Unsplash
It might be too early to conclude anything, given they’re still developing, but it’s already crucial for parents to support their children in exploring their gender identity.
Pink is for girls, while blue is for boys. Playing with dolls and doing tea parties are activities appropriate for girls. Robots and role-playing as soldiers are better fitted for boys.
Embedded deep into culture are stereotypes that define and command gender identity and expression as early as childhood. These standards and norms commonly limit how children express themselves, forcing them into bubbles governed by clichés, conventionalized identities, and biases formed by narrow-minded perspectives and views. However, as the world becomes more diverse in gender identity, children restrained and forced into these limited boxes are prone to confusion.
What Is Gender Confusion and How Does It Influence Children?
“If blue is for boys, will I become one if I prefer it?”
This is an example of how destructive gender stereotyping can be. If society enforces these insights in children’s minds, there’s no saying what beliefs will be nurtured throughout their development. The concept of gender and sexuality can be complex, especially in the simplistic minds of children. Hence, parents must be with them throughout their exploration process.
Children can already recognize the physical differences between girls and boys as early as two. They may also form glimpses of gender identity and expression by associating behaviors and preferences with these physical features. For instance, they believe being brave and stoic is more appropriate for boys while being soft and feminine is associated with girls. And while there’s nothing wrong with these associations, they may have trouble coping when they’re exposed to a more diverse expression.
They may feel distressed whenever they prefer and behave differently than what they’ve observed from others. Children may question their identities, developing gender dysphoria or depersonalization.
Hence, understanding the causes of gender confusion is an incredibly vital process involved in their development. It may be oversimplified as the clothes one wears and how people carry themselves, but gender expression plays a massive role in one’s life. It helps people establish an identity, thus influencing the progress and choices they’ll make in life. This importance is better discussed in Three Dimensions of Learning by Carolyn Nooks-Teague, who highlights the importance of considering holistic development in children. This includes their gender identity and expression.
How Can Parents Support Their Children as They Explore Their Gender Identity?
Fortunately, what comes with children’s curiosity is their openness in asking questions. They’re given enough space to articulate their confusions concerning their gender identity. Their parents’ support plays a massive role in ensuring their confusions are settled, and they can comfortably and confidently express themselves publicly. Parents are the key to unlocking children’s feelings and expressions. If their approach isn’t appropriate, it will further shut children out and close them from being open.
Trust Children’s Judgment
Yes, children are susceptible to influence. The public’s words easily sway them. Yet, despite this susceptibility, it pays to believe in whatever they express and say. Their insights might be wrong, and they may regret them. But at least they know they have their parents always supporting their choices. After all, most of their options can be changed and adjusted, but their trust and belief in their parents can be unresolvable.
When they claim they identify as this gender, families can only do one thing: accept.
When children approach their parents and share their gender identity, they’re typically filled with dread and anxiety concerning their reactions. Don’t prove their fears right by denying their choice of expression and self-opinion. Families must avoid assuming clichés and claim that children are simply going through a phase. Although there’s a probability that this assumption is correct, this slight chance shouldn’t be worth damaging their parent-child relationships.
They’re still exploring their identities. Hence, whatever they claim or however they express themselves can all be temporary. What’s important is they must feel that their parents are always on their back, ready to accept them in any way, shape, or form.
Foster a Respectful Environment at Home
The moment they share their gender identity, children must feel safe in their environments. This goes beyond the verbal acceptance of their family and through making them feel included and supported.
It’s easy to say, “We’ll love and accept you,” but this translates into not encouraging them to express themselves and judging their choice of fashion or behaviors. Instead of merely saying this acceptance, families must ensure they won’t police children’s gender expression. Regardless of their unique choices, families should allow them the complete freedom to play around with their expressions and creativity. When the latter doesn’t make it a big deal how their children identify, they will become more confident to explore and not feel compelled to fit in.
Gender identity isn’t limited to what children wear, and parents must be willing to embrace whichever way they prefer to express themselves. As their immediate environment, families have the most consequential role in making them feel safe to express themselves. It’s vital to remember that every child is unique. This doesn’t only mean they have different competencies but also includes how varied their expressions can be.
